You Are What You Eat

Computer voice: “To get a different output, change the input.”

I’m sure you’ve heard the expression: “you are what you eat.” That’s just weird on so many levels, given that this expression has some merit we’ll use it anyway. If you eat junk food, you’re not going to be healthy and if you eat a well balanced diet, you’re more likely to be healthy. We’ll use the if/then theory: If you eat healthy food you will then feel healthy. This concept of what you put in, you get out, will only help you better understand why you are the way you are.

If you’re angry most of the time it may be because of the music you listen to or television you watch. If you’re life is consumed by what others think of you, you may have been or are involved with a verbally abusive friend or family member. The truth is, just like with our diet, we must control what our senses take in. We need to be cautious of what enters our eyes and ears. Every single thing we see and hear has some type of impact in how we register our thoughts. Every positive and uplifting word we hear and image we see will help to build a healthier and more productive individual. Negative influence whether in print, in person, on screen, or through sound will cause a negative reaction and slowly breakdown your ability to remain mentally healthy.

Think about it, to me it puts all whole new meaning on the old expression: “You’re known by the company you keep!” It becomes imperative for everyone trying to be a little bit better to recognize their faults and their talents then try to link them back to the outward influence that helped create those attributes. I bet you’ll find it has much more influence than you’d thought. Now, the trick is to root out all those bad influences. It won’t be easy but you have a new advantage: you know exactly why you are the way you are.

Failure

As things change in this dynamic world we’re forced to adapt. Well, what I really mean is that we’re all failures, right? At least some of the time, we’re failing. This is actually good, be happy about it. Give yourself a pat on the back after you just blew it.

Failure: A Step Toward Success (slogan)

We need to understand that there's an important underlying feature to our slogan, and that is, drum roll please… you must learn from the failure. That failure or many like it will build in your pursuit of exactly where you needed to be. Think of one of our examples in modern history, that of Thomas Edison. He's known for the creation of the light bulb, a masterpiece of success. You know that thing that blinds you when you flip the switch in the bathroom at midnight and it gives you the universal “lemon in my mouth before getting punched” response. He’s quoted as saying: "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." You've simply got to keep prospective about you. It's imperative that you keep your enthusiasm after a failure; your enthusiasm will propel you. Winston Churchill said: "Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm." Well put Winston.

Recognize that tomorrow will come whether you get out of bed or not. You have to keep your enthusiasm at the highest level you can, dust off, analyze, and go, go, go! Get up out of bed, rekindle what made you attempt a go in the beginning and then fail again if you have to. It's those who have failed and gotten back on the horse that have built empires and led revolutions. Are you a Revolutionary? When failure hits, and it will, remember that it's exactly what you needed to find success. Attempt, then learn and apply, repeat until you find exactly what you were looking for.

Change the Rules

If you're having trouble finding a solution you need to change the rules. Remember to go for the win; you need to adjust, refocus and move forward accomplishing. If you don't know what to do next, start doing until you figure it out. Move, be active. Doing nothing won't accomplish a move toward a solution.Get up, dust off and change the rules to work toward your solution.

Know When to Teach

My daughter recently received a toy, one which her brother also found very interesting. Her first reaction was excitement and she couldn’t help but have the desire to play with it immediately; all this while her younger, baby brother became restless also wanting to play with the toy. This was a good opportunity to teach sharing. Now, as you may already know this is a task that takes patience and skill. More importantly, the lesson to be conveyed has a deeper lesson, one for the teacher.

In trying to teach Leah about sharing with her brother I had to first get her attention off the toy. She was so wrapped up in her new discovery she was struggling to hear a word I was saying. At this point I could take several methods and put them to practice. Methods like explaining that her brother would lose interest very quickly and then she could get the toy back and feel good about sharing. Okay, that’s not working. I could bribe her with some kind of a treat. Nope. Maybe if I were to just take the toy away out of punishment. That would teach a lesson but would be far from effective, in fact that would damage the concept of why sharing is good. I’m sure there are many possibilities here but would any of them be right?

To answer the question on what would be the right attempt we would need to reflect back on Leah’s focus, it was on the toy and not me. I couldn’t get her attention; if I did it was brief and wouldn’t last. A powerful lesson can be taken from this example: knowing WHEN to teach. Leah had just received a toy that was hers and to force her to learn a lesson was simply not fair.

When someone isn’t fully involved in your lesson you must withdraw and revisit when they’re prepared. A successful tactic would have possibly been to take the attention off of the toy and onto something else. The timing wasn’t right to teach her the lesson of sharing and it was in everyone’s interest to move on.

Know when to teach and when to support. If you feel offended or angry you will inevitably fail in promoting your belief. I could have easily gotten angry at Leah’s desire to not share but it wouldn’t have done any good to anyone involved. Discern the situation and insure you are lending counsel at a time when counsel will be accepted as helpful and not harmful. Showing respect and affection will promote your cause; know when to teach and when to support.

A Sincere Quality

Sometimes you meet someone you like. For some reason they have qualities that are hard to explain but you’re intrigued. They seem to understand you and really accept your point of view. They seem sincere, nice, and you feel better when you’re around them. Can you think of someone with whom you’ve met and within a short time you felt like this person is someone you can really get to know, you wouldn’t mind spending more time with them? Think of how they made you feel.

This example will hopefully bring to mind some experiences you may have had. I’m sure we could think of thousands of reasons why you may have felt the way you did but I can attest that all those reasons are magnified by a simple, yet essential skill. That skill is listening. Listening strengthens relationships, builds trust, and is a sincere compliment.

Think again of the example you used in someone that you really enjoyed, someone you wanted to spend more time with. Can you with any ounce of honesty say that they’re a bad listener? I doubt it. This is true because those that have the skill of listening attract others. People confide in a good listener and want to be associated with them.

Not listening is dangerous, you aren’t prepared, and you won’t know how to react. If you find it hard to listen to others you will be labeled a bore and someone that’s self absorbed and interested only in your own merits and desires. You’ll have to try harder to make friends and influence others.

A way to become a better listener is by using the examples of those that make you feel good. Take their example and emulate it. Make it your primary goal to understand others. Your listening skills will build stronger relationships, more so than any other talent or procedure. Commit to listening and you’ll open new communication lines with everyone you know.

Become a Leader

If you want to be a leader, if you want people to follow you, you need to build in your potential followers a deep respect that comes only when truly deserved. This applies across a wide spectrum of relationships from parent to child, boss to employee and so on. You must set out with a mission in mind. This mission will take time, it won’t be easy and it may not work for you. Sounds great right? Well, the truth is it may not work because we are all imperfect and so are those we are trying to lead, there will never be anything that can accomplish a perfect plan unless there is pure love involved. The truth to this is that we don’t yet live in a society that can support that. Not to say it can’t be found in personal relationships but for this example we will leave it out. The good news is there are many ways to achieve the status of an effective leader. I will outline one way or system that I believe will attribute to a high level of success in leadership on every level known to man.

Given the notion that respect will play a large role in becoming a leader you will have to recognize why someone would want to show you respect or why someone would consider following you. Someone will want to follow you if they believe it would be in their interest to do so. Next, you will have to build that relationship by proving that you have their interests in mind, that they will believe that every one of their successes will be a personal success for you. Helping them understand this can be achieved when proven, it’s typically hard to achieve only when said. Practice in deed will make them believe. Now, once they believe you really want them to succeed they will trust you.

Trust is essential for this to plan to work. You have gained trust by invoking in your follower a belief that their successes are as important to you as your own personal successes. The most difficult part is gained over time and that is building the trust into a deep respect. A real respect, a respect that is profound enough that when mistakes are made they feel as if they let you down. Think about this for a moment. Have you ever had someone you can look back at as a powerful leader that helped found who you are today? If you were in their presence and let them down you would feel awful, you may even feel as if you would first let yourself down before them. This person had a dramatic impact on you.

The most devout followers of all religions I can think of trust and admonish some form of deity. They seek approval, they seek forgiveness when needed, and they feel ashamed for breaking oaths or covenants. This is because they know that their Supreme Being they follow has their interests in mind. Take into account how others see you, obviously not as a Supreme Being but if you are seeking to be their leader you will know how devoted they are to you if they respect you enough to not want to let you down. Gain respect by proving to them you want their success, grow in this respect until they trust your intentions, and then you will have a true follower, one that will never want to let you down.